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I came upon this weird looking picture randomly while browsing Visualizeus and wondered what the heck the words written in Spanish underneath it could be saying. I mean really, what’s that kid doing exactly?
So I enlisted the help of a friend who knows Spanish, the ever awesome Nairim, and she agreed to translate it for me. The results were pretty hilarious.
The whole thing is titled ‘Instructions For After Reading Cortazar’, meaning Julio Cortazar who is a fairly famous author in Argentina. I’ve never read any of his works so I don’t know what about his writing would inspire the following instructions but um yeah I think the person who put this together is trying to make a statement…see for yourself:
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INSTRUCTIONS AFTER READING CORTAZAR
After closing the book we must try to recover the breath, overcome nausea or mild dizziness caused by the contents of the read. Technology experts from the Technological University recommend to drink a glass of water (read instructions to drink a glass of water) to achieve regain composure.
Proceed with your right hand to take the book (read instructions to grab book and some hairdresser magazines) and move backwards a few steps that you deem appropriate, throw with force as far as possible the book from its current position.
Observe (read instructions to observe with two eyes) the book away through the air until lost in the distance, it will provoke a feeling of relief and momentary depression of the anxiety caused by the previous experience.
Make sure the book is devoured by furious African hyenas (read instructions on how to tame furious African hyenas). Proceed to put both hands following the position depicted in Figure 1 and 2 where the measure of MP (manual point) alignment is perpendicular to the current position of your underbelly.
(note from the New Zealand translator: please refrain from this if you are a fantastic being who does not have a navel such as avenging angels or wild elves.)
After checking with two eyes that the palms of the hands are pointing to generously open our face, we proceed to bend the neck following the position described in Figure 2 (see Fig. 2) where FP (facial point) should be identical inclination of 90 degrees to the position of MP (point manual). But you will be tempted to throw your head with the torso leaning toward your hands, we recommend abstaining for more than you believe is the safe way to hit yourself.
The most effective way recommended by most researchers in the ministry of accredited qualifications and experts from the Technological University of Technology is to control the urge to move the body and in turn project the two hands with force to the face. We recommend increasing the force with which you hit your face as the reps increase; also recommend that the beatings are accompanied with prayers of motivational motivation.
The department of modern symbolism of the ancients from the Proctology University recomments this phrase that serves as affirming the act of expiation of guilt, say aloud (read instructions on how to raise your voice): I WILL NEVER READ CORTAZAR AGAIN IN MY LIFE! Let my bloody face be the proof of my most deep regret (read instructions on how to milk cows with your eyelashes). Do this for an average length of five to five minutes.
Remember! Nothing is lost if you later remember where you lost it!
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Lol! Wow somebody made detailed instructions on how to slap yourself around after reading Cortazar, I’d love to know the story behind this one.
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Wow! I´m not sure If I deserve such a wonderful Adjective as ever AWESOME!But Thank you so much Anita! :)
This is one of those moments in wich you say wow! Pictures like these are many but what its behind these pictures what mostly keeps your attention to them when they turn to be unexpected.
At the fist moment I thought It was some kind of instruction to excercise your neck, while reading. Of course I didnt give the first look at the text below the picture when I thought that lol.
I was asked to please translate what it said, what made curious even more after noticing it was about Cortazar, was the first two lines: “After closing the book we must try to recover the breath, overcome nausea or mild dizziness caused by the contents of the read”.
I haven´t read much from Cortazar but I did know that he is known for being a surrealist writer. You need all your brains and time to even keep up with one of ( in my Opinion) most hilarious and artistic material (Me caigo y me levanto)” I fall and get up”.
I had the chance to hear an Audio from Him in where he was telling the story of how bad was his pronunciation and because of that he lost his first Job in the Radio.
And then I imagine someone like me, in one of those days trying to read and relax with an easy going and very light book and Bham! You hit Cortázar! I think I would know the feeling. :)
Frustration! lol but in the good sense of course!
( hitting yourself for picking such a book to relax!) lol
I do not know who is the Author of this material behind these Pictures, but I do Congratulate the way of expressing in such fun way the experience of reading one of the biggest intelletual minds of the world.
I do not take it as an Offense to Cortázar, actuallly is in the other way for me.
It´s like reading Arthur Schopenhauer because I´m bored. Please don´t do it! watch tv! lol
Thanks Anita for sharing this Hilarious Picture and giving me the opportunty to read it and translate it, it was great!
P.S. If anyone finds the instructios of how to milk a cow with eyelashes, please send the file to Cortázar? lol
I want to correct from the first comment: “I DO NOT TAKE IT AS AN OFFENSE TO CORTÁZAR!” Repeat, A typing Mistake :)
Hi Nairim,
Don’t worry I fixed the comment for you. I really appreciate your help with this one, it turned out to be pretty hilarious.
I didn’t know that you had actually read Cortazar before. Thanks for shedding some light on his work…now I understand a little more of what would motivate someone to put together a joke like this :D.
I think you did an Amazing Job! I only translated but you put all together so this is the result what you did! Its splendid! I have no credits on this one! Let more pictures keep comming!