[This is a blog post I wrote for MySpace on 9/1/2006 7:19:00 PM. To see the story behind why this is here and for links to the rest of the posts, check out the main MySpace page here on Anita’s Notebook.]
Well here it is again. The time of year where I look back on my life and think about it. A lot.
I guess it’s only natural to think about things unaccomplished, but sometimes it gets way out of hand you know? Like last September. I fell deep into the ‘if only’ line of thinking. Mainly ‘if only we had kids by now’. Or ‘why the fuck don’t we have any kids dammit’. Or… well okay you get the idea.
It seems like everything in Jennifer’s and my life is going the way we had always hoped…except for not being able to start a family. I remember when we were teenagers, aimlessly driving around North Pole like we always did and talking about the future. Where do we want to be in X amount of years?
Jennifer would always say “I don’t think I’m gonna live past 21.” I’d say “Well if you did…” And now here we are with just about everything we had wanted. Well except for the covert spy vs. spy detective agency, sorry Darling!
Sometimes the absence of something stands out more than what’s actually there. It’s easy to get stuck in the glass is half empty way of looking at life when you want something so intensely.
But I am totally done with being miserable about having only *most* of what I want out of life. It definitely hurts that we don’t have any kids (yet lol) but I don’t want that to overshadow how amazingly fortunate I feel in life right now.
(A quick disclaimer: If I end up 70 yrs old with no kids fuck all this sentimental shit. I’ll become one of those crazy-mean old people that run you over with their power chairs in the supermarket because they can get away with it. Just saying.)