[This is a blog post I wrote for MySpace on 9/26/2006 9:56:00 PM. To see the story behind why this is here and for links to the rest of the posts, check out the main MySpace page here on Anita’s Notebook.]
Jennifer sits on the bed and sets down this box. It’s about the size of a couple of books and is nicely wrapped in Care Bear wrapping paper (which was btw, fucking adorable). She starts going on about sorry we don’t have an awful lot of money right now but she wants to make my birthday special despite that. So I’m going to get a couple of presents but they won’t be as pricey as usual.
The whole time I’m thinking: Aww that’s so cute that she’s worried about the prices like that, it’s not like I’ll be judging her gifts or something.
Anyway so while I’m opening the present (which just so you know was really traumatic since it involved ripping apart many adorable little multi-colored Care Bears) I make a big point of reassuring her that I’ll like anything that she gives me ’cause well, it’s true. Or at least I thought so.
Eventually I lift the top off the box and…
Okay at this point several thoughts run through my mind roughly in this order:
Yay, a plate.
Oh shit what a shallow thing to think!
Maybe it’s a joke.
Probably a joke ’cause it is kinda funny.
But she’s not laughing so it probably isn’t.
But what if it is which means I should be laughing right now.
But if I laugh and it’s not a joke then she’ll be really offended.
…really offended ’cause she’s always so sensitive about money even when we have tons of it.
Crap but if it *is* a joke and I don’t laugh then she’ll think that I think that I think that…
Fuck, lost my train of thought.
I should say something instead of staring at the plate.
Come up with something good.
Something that’ll cover all bases…
Something not lame sounding…
‘Umm, cool. Thanks Darling.’ …Dammit!
Jennifer looks all sad and says ‘Well it’s only the first one. It’s just a bunch of little things you know, but it adds up.’
Then silence. The whole time I’m sweatin it and pretending to be interested in the plate. Have you ever tried to fake enthusiasm for a plate?? Yeah, it sucked.
All of a sudden Jennifer bursts into laughter: ‘Just kidding, that crappy thing cost me like 25 cents! Told you I would surprise you this year. Your real present is in the living room, it’s not expensive but it cost more than a quarter!’
Oh haha. Hahaha. Real funny. Meanwhile I’ve almost passed out from the stress of trying to look happy about a freaking plate.
So in the living room there’s this gigantic box wrapped in…yup, Care Bear wrapping paper. And after much Care Bear carnage I was finally able to get into the box…
Do you see a pattern starting to form here? Yeah.
So I am suspicious that this might not the *real* present, but then Jennifer starts into a story about how she worked forever to win it for me and it wasn’t the most expensive gift ever but she thought I would like it etc. etc. And I’m all Awww! How sweet!(Okay even if there wasn’t a sweet story attatched to it I would have liked it ’cause you know anything beats out a plate :-P.)
Anyway so at this point we’re just hanging out and talking…Jennifer is finding about a million different ways to say ‘We’ll have a lot more money at Christmas so I can make it up to you then’.
Of course now I’m starting to get a serious complex and wondering if I act materialistic or something and that’s why Jennifer keeps apologizing about $$. I kept on thinking about my reaction to the plate and what if it had been a real gift. But really, who wouldn’t have that reaction? Yeah but what happened to ‘I’ll like anything that you give me’? Yeah but it was just a crappy plate. But it’s not crappy if…
All of a sudden Jennifer (can you guess lol) bursts into laughter. ‘Just kidding there’s more in the box! Told you I would surprise you this year!’
Oh haha. Hahaha. Sure it may have thrown me into a crisis and made me question my own moral character…but, yeah. Funny :-P
So I dig and dig through what seems to all the packing paper in Anchorage and…
If you’re imagining Jennifer breaking into hysterical laughter at this point you’re right on target.
Well it may not be as cool as the plate but I think I can live with it.